


I Can't Win

by Pebbles1A



Series: Song Fics [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Cheating, Fluff and Angst, Jealousy, M/M, Most Nct Members Are Only Briefly Mentioned, misleading title, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-09 15:07:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14718404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pebbles1A/pseuds/Pebbles1A
Summary: After Taeyong's and Johnny's breakup the former tried to close his heart but Lucas, with the help of their friends, helped open it up again.But everything comes with a price.Will it be worth it?





	I Can't Win

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like the summary is so mysterious but gsdnmlktg I just didn't know how to make a summary for this. As soon as I heard this song I really wanted to make this, anyway speaking of songs I made a new series and it's basically for fics that have been inspired mostly by songs like this fic is basically just following along with the lyrics of the songs but I know some people might not like that or get annoyed by it. 
> 
> Not all of my fics are gonna be like this so that's why I made this series to separate the ones that are kinda influenced by songs but they aren't filled with lyrics and the other ones (like this one) that literally have song lyrics every few paragraphs so with that said if that annoys you I advise you to not read this >/////////////<
> 
> Also I'm not all that happy with the format but AO3 hates me
> 
> So with that, this work was inspired mainly by His Mistake - Usher, Love Don't Hurt - Shannon Ft. Amber and it was only slightly inspired by Something - Girl's Day, You In Me - KARD, and Hello- Shannon.

Everyone knew about Taeyong and Johnny’s messy breakup.

  
They had been dating for about four years, everyone thought Johnny was going to propose but then suddenly he started becoming more distant. He stopped flirting with Taeyong playfully both publicly and privately. Taeyong had shared his concerns with their friend group.

Some of them wrote it off as nothing, maybe Johnny was under a lot of pressure at his job while others like Jaehyun, Mark, Chenle, Lucas, Jungwoo, Taeil, Doyoung, and Yuta, who were fiercely protective of Taeyong, thought something suspicious was going on.

   
Yuta and Doyoung took the initiative and started watching Johnny more closely. It only took a week before they found the cause of Johnny’s new behavior.  
 

It wasn’t due to this family.

  
Not stress.  
  
  
Not because of his job.

  
And definitely not because he was planning a surprise for Taeyong like some of their friends had so optimistically thought.

  
It was because of Ten, their friend who had went to Thailand because of some family emergency.

  
It was so bad that even Jaehyun snapped, he was yelling and screaming while Mark and Chenle were just disappointed, Yuta and Doyoung were as cold as ice towards the two of them. It was a bad experience for everyone, and Taeyong? Well Taeyong showed his icy, “Jack Frost” exterior to the both of them and under the guidance of Yuta, started posting somewhat seductive photos onto his SNS, he didn’t know if it worked but both Jaehyun and Yuta assured him of the tremendous effect it had on Johnny.

  
But when he was alone?

  
He always broke down, wondering what he did wrong. Why didn’t Johnny respect him enough to just break things off. Sure Taeyong would’ve been hurt but not as much as knowing two of his closest friends went behind his back to be together.

  
They learned three things during that period.

  
The first was that Ten did in fact have a family emergency, it’s just that he came back earlier than expected and it just so happened that he and Johnny grew a little closer.  
  
  
The second thing that surfaced was Lucas’ feelings for Taeyong, everyone now knew except for said hyung. Johnny had grown a bit aggravated when he heard the news but Yuta made sure everyone had cut ties with both him and Ten, so he obviously had no say. Everyone else however, subtly pushed the two together. Not enough to make Taeyong uncomfortable and notice but just enough to where he would lean on Lucas naturally.

  
The third thing that came to light was how fragile Taeyong really was.

  
Everyone already knew Taeyong was nothing like how other people painted him to be like but no one realized how fragile he really was. After his breakup with Johnny he truly was broken, he refused to leave his house and it got to the point where his phone would die periodically because he wouldn’t charge it, not wanting to hear his friends worrying about him.

  
Yuta and Jaehyun tried their best to get him out of his slump and on the third month it finally worked.

  
“Taeyong hyung!!!” Chenle screeched as he launched himself at his beloved hyung.

  
Everyone laughed while Taeyong slightly stumbled back but held the younger up. “H-Hey.”

  
“HOW DARE YOU. HOW COULD YOU LEAVE US LIKE THAT!” This time it was Jisung, everyone was shocked, Taeyong's mouth dropped open before it closed then opened again until he sighed.  
  
  
“I know....I’m sorry. I wasn’t a very good hyung.”

  
Chenle shook his head and tightened his hold on him. “It’s not that…..we just missed you and we were worried.”  
  
  
They all nodded and Taeyong gently set Chenle down, it was quiet until Taeyong hesitantly opened his arms. “Group hug?” No one missed a beat as Jungwoo was the first to run towards him.

“DOGPILE!!!” Someone, they don’t know who, screamed but it was quickly followed up by Lucas’ scream.  
  
  
“DON’T! HE’LL BREAK.” Everyone stopped and looked at him, even Taeyong tilted his head in confusion.

“He’s practically a twig come on guys.” Taeyong’s mouth dropped open again but this time in playful shock as he stomped up towards Lucas.

“No one asked for your insightful input you bean pole.”

Lucas dramatically covered his mouth, the entire room’s mood just going up and up. “A bean pole?!”

“Yes, why don’t you lose a couple inches.” Taeyong crossed his arms and Lucas copied him.

“Gee I don’t know, why don’t you gain a couple inches.” His hyung lightly slapped his arm as Lucas clutched it, stumbling back. “Guys I’m hurt, I’ve been wounded! Wounded I tell you!”

It was over the top but worth it as they saw a smile grace Taeyong’s face, a smile they hadn’t seen in three months. Lucas wanted to see more of it so he grabbed his hyung and started attacking him in tickles. His hyung was beautiful he thought, screaming his name and gasping for air, an indignant but cheerful glint in his eyes.

Everything seemed to be going smoothly.

Four months after the whole thing and Lucas tentatively asked Taeyong out on a date. They took things slowly, Lucas not wanting to rush Taeyong into anything and two more months after they went on their first date they announced to their friends that they were official.

They were all beyond ecstatic for the new couple. All of them wanting Taeyong to be happy and seeing how Lucas treated him like an actual angel. To Lucas, Taeyong meant the world and them some, he would do anything for his hyung.  
********

**_**_| If it’s too good to be true, then it probably is |  
********_** _ **

_“Do I remind you of the pain he put you through, is that the reason I’m to blame before I do it. Is it because he treated you badly that I always stand accused.”  
_

Lucas was beyond happy, he had everything he would ever want, including the boy of his dreams. The only thing he noticed was how territorial Taeyong would get, especially around Jungwoo and Kun.

He didn’t mind it at first, even found it funny and adorable but it progressively got worse.

_“Protecting yourself from somebody else, but I’m not who’s hurting you and it’s killing me boy knowing you compare me to him, always guilty before the sin. I can’t win.”_

At one point it got so bad that Taeyong actually lashed out at Jungwoo, causing the other man to cower back and come up with random excuses to leave.

That had been the last straw, Lucas pulled him to the side.

“Alright enough, this isn’t cute anymore hyung.”

Taeyong sighed before looking at him tiredly, as if he was the one causing this mess. “What?”

Lucas bit his lip and grabbed his hyung’s hand, kissing his knuckles, he saw Taeyong’s eyes soften and that’s what he wanted. He hated fighting with people especially if it was with Taeyong.

“Why are you so upset. Is it cause I was playing with Jungwoo a lot?” One thing he liked about Taeyong was how straightforward he was, he didn’t like dragging out fights any more than Lucas liked to.

“Yes.”

“They why didn’t you say so?” He got a shrug in response and he sighed fondly, pulling the other towards his chest and wrapping his arms around him tightly. “Just pinch me next time and I’ll pay attention to you alright?”

He got a chuckle in response and his heart fluttered. “What about a slap?”

“You can hit me with a frying pan for all I care.” That earned him a melodic laugh and he smiled despite himself as he pulled back and pecked his lips. “But you have to make things right with Jungwoo, you know what you did was wrong.”

There were no protests as Taeyong knew he was right. He was completely in the wrong here.

_“I’ll do anything to prove I love you, baby boy but I refuse to pay for something I didn’t do. I love you boy, but I refuse to stay, paying for his mistakes.”_

Lucas thought that would be the end but he was terribly wrong.

Taeyong had indeed apologized to Jungwoo and everything seemed to be going fine, but the elder must’ve realized he couldn’t lash out at others so instead he lashed out on Lucas.

They had their good days where Lucas would shower him with unconditional love making Taeyong all flustered and Taeyong would reciprocate that, as best as he could. However, the second Lucas stopped Taeyong would find something be mad about. He would make problems out of thin air, even about things Lucas had been doing before they even started dating. Lucas simply put up with it because he knew his hyung really did adore him, he thought he just needed some more time to heal properly.

When Lucas wanted to go to Chinatown with some of their other friends or go out with Kun and Jungwoo on some excursion like they usually did, Taeyong suddenly became defensive and accused him of not wanting to spend time with him. Lucas was constantly on the verge of sighing out of exhaustion and blowing up out of near-frustration.

_“He left a scar across your heart and I understand boy. Don’t let his wrongs tear us apart, boy I’m your man.”_

Another thing that rocked his boat was Taeyong’s amount of affection and change of attitude when he hung out with Jaehyun.

When he was with Lucas it was like a constant rollercoaster.

Yet when he was with Jaehyun he was all smiles and they flirted together so cutely, Jaehyun always doted on him. Lucas didn’t know if no one else realized just how badly it hurt him to see the two of them like that or if everyone was just too caught up on babying Taeyong still.

The worst part is Taeyong knew how much it bothered Lucas since the latter had brought it up before, he also realized Taeyong only did it after they argued.

“Yonggie hyung~!” Jaehyun merely called out and said hyung happily skipped over to him, sitting straight on his lap.

“Yes?”

“Do you know how much I missed you? Hm, hm?” Taeyong rolled his eyes but smiled anyway, squeaking when Jaehyun poked his sides.

“Can I be hyung’s birthday present?”

Taeyong’s cheeks reddened causing him to look down. “It’s still about a month away.”

“Don’t care!” Jaehyun leaned in and squeezed his hyung tight, with that Taeyong begged to let go as everyone watched him in amusement, everyone except Lucas that is.

_“Just because he did, you swear I’m cheating. You think I just don’t care. Why must I do time for another man’s crime? Boy you know that ain’t fair!”_

One of the last straws came when he accidentally overheard one of Taeyong’s and Doyoung’s conversations.

“What? He’s not cheating on you!” That made Lucas’ blood run cold.

After all he had done for his hyung, how could the other still think he would be capable of something like that? When he was the only person he had ever loved. A thought suddenly crossed his mind.

Taeyong was comparing him to Johnny!

He couldn’t help himself as he burst the door open. “You think I’m cheating on you?!” His hyung had the decency to look ashamed.

Without him even asking Doyoung got up, patted his shoulder and then left.

“Hyung-”

He saw tears well up in the others eyes as he looked away and just like that, he felt all the anger coursing through his veins, slowly evaporate

“You two are just-”

And it was back. “Just what?” The words left his mouth filled with venom, he actually winced as he saw his hyung flinched.

“I know it’s- it’s bad but you two are just so similar.”

“Please enlighten me.” He scoffed as he sat across his hyung, huffing as he saw the glare thrown his way, it wasn’t his fault their relationship had turned so sour so why was his hyung acting like he was in the wrong.

“Your personalities aren’t that far away from each other. You both hang out in groups. Johnny used to hang out with…..Ten, Mark, Jaehyun and sometimes you. You go out with Kun, Chenle, Renjun, and Winwin. Johnny used to be really close with Ten, he hung out with him all the time, and you’re really close with Jungwoo……”

He trailed off and Lucas just sat there stunned, he hated that he could understand where his hyung was coming from. He also realized he was part of the problem.

He didn’t listen when his hyung tried to explain why it bothered him that he spent so much with Jungwoo. Lucas just wrote it off as his hyung being unreasonable again, instead of hearing him out and trying to work together to see where the root of the problem was, he made it worse. He made it worse by spending even more time with Jungwoo and taking cute pictures together. He had only seen it as annoying his hyung but he never bothered to try and really look at it from his point of view. He knew now why Taeyong always got so defensive and cold. They were fighting over boundaries just like he and Johnny had.

Lucas felt even more ashamed of himself when he realized too late what Taeyong was doing with Jaehyun, he used to do the same exact thing to Johnny when he wanted attention.

That night Taeyong and Lucas had poured out all their feelings to each other and for a couple of weeks it was just like the beginning. Everything was how they wanted it to be, but it wasn’t long before they reverted back to their tortuous cycle.

_"Always guilty before the sin, I can't win."_

It was when Lucas went out with their friends and went to Taeyong’s apartment. The former had wanted to check up on his boyfriend as he said he didn’t want to come along.

After a few knocks Lucas just let himself in and wandered around, the whole place was dark, deciding to walk to his bedroom he smiled when he finally heard his hyung’s lovely voice but stopped dead in his tracks when he realized what was being said.

“Why did you call?”

Very quickly he realized the other’s phone was on speaker, as he could hear Taeyong moving around, doing whoever knows what.

“Well why did you answer?”

Lucas’ fists clenched as he recognized that voice.

“Don’t know…..are you drunk? You sound drunk.”

“Just tipsy…..ay, where’s Lucas.”

There was the sound of his hyung dropping something before he sighed. “He went out.” There was the sound of Johnny’s obnoxious laughter.

“Without you?”

“I don’t feel good…..my stomach hurts.” Taeyong whispered, there was a silence and Lucas kept trying to wrap his head around why Johnny would even call him, and why in the world would Taeyong even answer.

“You know I’ve always been the only one that cares about you.”

“That’s rich.”

“I’m serious Taeyong, Ten was just-”

“Let me guess, he was a mistake? You were drunk? I don’t care what he was you still did it, no one put a gun to your head and forced you.”

Lucas smiled, if only because he could tell Taeyong had actually made progress, still his questions weren’t answered, well one of them.

“Let’s be honest, the reason you answered is cause you’re afraid Lucas is going to do it too.”

  
Silence.

  
“See, no one cares like I do. Come talk to me Taeyong. You know he’s doing it too. Probably more times than me.”

  
There was another brief silence before it sounded like clothes were hitting the floor, perhaps his hyung had been cleaning, then in a soft voice. “N-No…..Lucas isn’t like that…..I-I-I don’t-”

  
“You don’t think.”

  
There was silence once again and this time Lucas couldn’t stand it as he threw the door open.

  
“I thought we talked about this already.”

  
Taeyong stared at Lucas passively, glancing from his phone to Lucas then back again before he walked over and ended the call. After some time passed of them gazing at each other Taeyong sighed and fell on his bed, his voice muffled from between the sheets. “Why did you come back?”

  
“Because I care and love you, and I’m NOT having an affair.” The younger hissed, picking up the clothes that were previously discarded and putting them on top of an unused chair. He could Taeyong tense up from his spot on the bed, then soft sniffles were heard and because Lucas was so weak he walked over.

  
He knew he shouldn’t because like he expected, the second he saw his hyung’s rare tears make an appearance, his cold facade cracked and he scooped him up in his arms. Cradling his head under his chin and rubbing his back, murmuring sweet nothings into his ears until the other finally calmed down, followed by. “It’s okay, we’re okay, you’re okay, we’re okay.” Even though they both knew they weren’t.

  
Taeyong let out a shaky breath, Lucas could feel him clinging harder onto his biceps as he finally spoke, his voice breaking as a result of his time spent crying. “Y-You know I-I love you right? I don’t want him, I want you.” He started crying again and Lucas held him tighter as his hyung kept letting out broken sobs. “I want…..want….y-you, not h-h-him, you, I need you.”

  
It was sometime after. Taeyong had stopped crying for good and they were laying on the pillows, Lucas moved some of his hair away from his face, lightly tracing over the dried tear tracks as he recalled how frantic and desperate Taeyong had sounded before.

  
“But it’s not enough is it.” It didn’t come out as a question but as a statement.

  
Taeyong looked at him with confusion before his eyes widened, filling with clarity as he understood what the other was saying and referring to. However, he didn’t respond, deciding to stare straight into Lucas’ eyes instead.

  
No more words were shared that night, but Taeyong did tighten his hold on Lucas, holding him as close as he possibly could.

_  
“I know he did you wrong but tell me what does that have to do with me? Trying to show you something real, figure out what is going on, before you look up and I’ll be gone!”_

  
“Lucas wait! Don’t leave!!” Taeyong had thrown himself to the ground, his tears now falling freely and the younger would be lying if his heart didn’t clench painfully in his chest, but he had already made his decision.

  
“I can’t stay here. I’m sorry hyung but maybe you’re just not ready for a relationship yet. Everything I do always comes full circle, it always ends up being about Johnny, I can’t be with you as long as you keep doing this.” He almost caved when Taeyong looked up at him brokenly, begging him not to go but he continued. “This isn’t goodbye. I’m still deeply in love with you Lee Taeyong.” Taeyong’s breath hitched and he sighed. “But until you figure out for yourself that I’m not Johnny, Seo Youngho, I’m Lucas, Wong Yukhei, a man from Hong Kong who fell in love with you, we can’t be together.”

  
“You need to help yourself. I love you but how can I love you fully when you won’t let me? When you don’t love yourself?”

  
With that he grabbed his bag and left, not looking back once because he knew if he so much as glanced back at him, he would rush back into his arms.

 

 

 

**_A few months later_ **

_  
“I know that you’ve been broken, it’s easy to see. Let me keep you in the moment, baby just give it to me. I see the way you acting up in your mind, wondering if I’m worth the ride.”_

  
Lucas was excited to say the least. The was the first time in five months he would properly be seeing Taeyong.

  
In those five months Lucas had been mending his somewhat cracked heart. He wouldn’t lie to anyone or himself, he still loved Taeyong more than anything. Which gave him an even bigger drive to stay away from him. He needed Taeyong to look inside himself and mend whatever Johnny had broken, because Lucas tried, he tried so dearly and in those months there was a voice in the back of his head that constantly questioned him, what if he needed to be the one to fix Taeyong? What if Taeyong couldn’t fix it? What if he just needed to stay a little longer.

  
Lucas had never been plagued with much anxiety in his life, something he was immensely grateful but not boastful of, but in those first two months more anxiety had consumed him than ever before. It was only slightly calmed down when Chenle and Doyoung said they had visited Taeyong and he seemed to be doing well.

  
They were quick to assure him that Taeyong wasn’t too depressed and his thoughts weren’t going down the dangerous path they all feared they might. Lucas’ was surprised to find out his friends supported him, they all knew and understood that Taeyong needed time to heal himself.

  
Doyoung, although with much time and effort, reiterated to Lucas that Taeyong was slowly coming to terms with that as well. The elder was starting to realize just how emotionally unstable he really was. While his body and heart were ready for a new relationship his mind was not.

  
All their friends praised Lucas for his choice of words when Chenle made it clear that the real reason Taeyong wasn’t turning self destructive is because of something Lucas specifically told him.

_  
“This isn’t goodbye. I’m still deeply in love with you Lee Taeyong.” _

  
Lucas was elated to discover Taeyong wanted to give them another chance. Lucas would be more than happy to give him one, if and when he was ready.

_  
“It’s a natural reaction but we gon be taking our time. If you don’t try then you ain’t gonna ever know. If you don’t try baby.”_

  
Taeyong had been spending a lot of time alone but it wasn’t for naught.

  
He knew his friends were worried about him and kept a careful eye trained on him for fear that he would hurt himself but the honest truth was Taeyong wasn’t going to. He didn’t feel a need or want to. He knew him and Lucas weren’t over, the man had said it himself, and Taeyong was determined to make himself a better person. To be worthy of Lucas’ love and to give the other the love he rightfully deserved.

  
He will admit the first month was a bit wasted as he spent it moping around, wondering why Lucas had left him. Resentment and dread had built up inside.

  
However by the time the second month rolled around he decided to stop dwelling on how Lucas left, he couldn’t turn back time. He reflected on why Lucas left, what caused him to leave. In that process he reflected over his past relationship with Johnny and then his entire relationship with Lucas. How good it was in the beginning and then how it turned sour.

  
That’s when he realized what Lucas had been trying to say.

  
He was the problem.

_  
“You’ve been trying to dry those tears so long, baby in time you’ll be alright. Staring in my eyes baby you can’t deny what you keep inside.”_

  
Deep down he knew why he had gotten so defensive and cold towards Lucas.

  
He truly did love him, and he knew Lucas reciprocate his feelings but he was afraid. After all who wouldn't be?

  
Everyone had thought him and Johnny would last, they were so in love. Taeyong had given his all for that relationship which is why he broke down terribly when he found out the other had been cheating.

  
Suddenly there it was.

  
Taeyong never got closure, all his friends just pushed Johnny and Ten out of their lives and at first he was relieved then grateful, but then he remembered feeling so insecure. What did he do wrong?

  
Did he give too much love?

  
Not enough?

  
What was he missing and was it really that bad that Johnny had to go look for it in someone else?

  
What was so wrong with him that it had caused Johnny to completely disrespect him and their relationship?

  
All the time he spent protecting himself was all in vain, he had been protecting himself from the wrong person. It’s not that he didn’t want to trust Lucas, he knew deep down he wanted to. But in the process of trying to figure out what distanced Johnny, he had actually been doing the one thing he feared the most. Distancing himself from Lucas. It was no wonder Lucas became insecure in their relationship if even Taeyong wouldn’t share his concerns. Taeyong had feared that if he said them aloud, someway, somehow, Lucas would magically be able to see what Johnny could also see, what he couldn’t see, that he was _missing_ something, he just never took into account that keeping it bottled up wouldn’t help either.

  
Taeyong sighed deeply, running a hand through his hair as he now knew what to do, even if all of his friends would disagree.

_  
“We might be the perfect score so here I’m waiting at your shores. Oh baby please open up your doors, it’s you that I’m fighting for.”_

  
Taeyong looked out the window of the quaint coffee shop he was meeting Johnny in. The latter coming in just ten minutes after him.

  
They were now sitting across from each other, drinks in hand.

  
Johnny seemed content to map out every feature of Taeyong’s face, eager to spot any changes but Taeyong was less so. He came here for one reason and one reason only.

  
“Why did you cheat on me?” He wanted to be direct, no miscommunication, he wanted answers and as soon as he got them he would leave.

  
“Is that why you wanted to meet me?” The other asked incredulously but Taeyong paid it no mind.

  
“What did you expect? Listen you’re ruining my…..” he trailed off knowing it wouldn’t be right to assume all the blame onto Johnny, no matter how much he had upset him, “My judgment has been clouded ever since you broke my heart,” Johnny had the decency to look ashamed but once again Taeyong didn’t spare him a breath of sympathy, “I’ve made choices in my new relationship that I’m not proud of…….so I just need to know...why’d you cheat on me? Is it something I did? I said?” His voice dropped to a whisper as he stared down at his hands, asking the one question that had been plaguing him for months. “Was the love I gave you not enough?”

  
There was no response and Taeyong nodded, taking a deep breath and willing his eyes to dry, not wanting to let the other see him cry. He made a move to stand but Johnny latched onto his wrist, he paused but didn’t look up.

  
“I don’t know.”

  
Taeyong wanted to scoff, he couldn’t be angry anymore, all his energy had been depleted months ago but in a way it did serve to make him mad. All those months spent terrorizing himself and jeopardizing his relationship with Lucas and he only got an ‘I don’t know.’

  
But Johnny continued.

  
“It just…...I did love you Taeyong, more than anything, I still do. You’re the only one in my heart and….I’m ashamed to say it just happened. I couldn’t control my emotions and the situation Ten and I were in it just…...it didn’t help.”

  
Taking another deep breath he remembered it takes two to tango.

  
“But it wasn’t you, it was me, it was all on me I- God Taeyong you’re perfect. My love you are my everything, can’t we fix this? After all the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.”

  
A sort of sardonic smile made its way onto his face as he stood up, removing Johnny’s hold on him, taking his coffee cup with him he nodded once again. His face void of any emotion as he walked away, throwing over his shoulder.

“You’re right, it’s only green where you water it and you stopped meaning something to me months ago.”

 _“If it takes all night let’s do it, I just wanna show you the way. I’m gonna love ya like you’ve never been loved before. I’m gonna give ya all of my heart baby you’re the one I adore.”_  


Needless to say Taeyong was also excited. He hadn’t seen Lucas in so long and he really believed he was ready.

No he knew he was ready, he had spent three almost four months fixing the holes in his heart that Johnny had left behind, and reinforcing the ones Lucas had so lovingly tried to patch up.

He almost laughed at the look of utter surprise Lucas had when he saw him. The last time they saw each other all those months ago he was a redhead. Now his hair was a sort of caramel brown with a bandana perched on his forehead.

All of their friends watched the two inquisitively as Taeyong stood up, making his way to Lucas who was just frozen.

Standing in front of him made Taeyong lose all his bravado as he stared into those same eyes that he adored, those same eyes that still caused his heart to skip a beat. He’d wanted to say hello, ask him how he’d been doing but instead he found that he couldn’t quite control his inhibitions. He threw his arms around Lucas tightly, everyone was utterly confused not knowing whether to let them be or somehow break it up but Lucas answered that question for everyone when he hugged Taeyong back just as tight, maybe even tighter.

That was all it took for Taeyong emotional dam to break. He pulled back and cupped Lucas’ face, only speaking when he saw he had the other’s full attention, which admittedly didn’t take very long.

“I’m so sorry Lucas, I couldn’t see what was right in front of me and how much I was hurting you I’m just,” he closed his eyes and calmed down, sorting his thoughts and Lucas who already knew that his hyung needed to get whatever was on his chest off just stayed silent, rubbing circles onto his hips in attempt to help placate him, when Taeyong spoke his voice was much quieter and less rushed than before, “I really shouldn’t have compared you two. You’re nothing alike. I spent all that time wondering if something was wrong with me but I never…...I should’ve just trusted you. I should’ve trusted you with my feelings, trusted you with my insecurities, and most of all I should’ve trusted your love for me but I didn’t and for that I’m so deeply sorry.”    


_“I see the way that you’ve been feeling, I know exactly what you’re needing. I’m gonna love ya till love don’t hurt anymore.”_  


Lucas could see just how much his hyung had grown in the five months they had spent apart.

He could practically feel the love radiating off of him and before he could even respond Taeyong spoke again. He smiled without meaning too when he saw his hyung grow increasingly timid. His voice coming out in almost a whisper as he leaned in close to Lucas, seemingly wanting only him to hear.

“I know you and everyone else might doubt me but I’m being honest when I say I’m ready. I trust you and I trust your heart just like I trust my own. And I know sometimes it’s gonna rain for us but I won’t run away like before, or go to someone else. I’m ready to go through it with you. I….I know we’ll be alright, I’ll be alright as long as I have you with me.”

He could feel his hyung smiling against him so Lucas pulled back. Staring into his eyes he noticed a dash of fear in his hyung’s eyes, his grip tightening on him. Deciding to have mercy on him and squash that fear down he pulled his hyung tight against him enveloping him in a passionate kiss.

He felt resistance but he knew it was only because of their friend’s whooping and hollering, he only held him closer and in no time Taeyong simply melted against him.  


__“_ Heartbreak won’t break what we got. It’s all in the feeling, I’m gonna be showing you good love. This ain’t nothing like all those other ones.” _

_********“Till love don’t hurt anymore.”** ** ** ** _

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry I wrote Johnny like this but I really needed a bad guy and idek why but him and Ten just popped into my head first OTL but I feel like I didn't write them that bad so there's that.
> 
> Anyway I hope you guys liked this one!! I still have a few LuYong fics to finish and I've just been very motivated since you guys like the last one a lot x.x so I really hope you guys like this one as well~!! 
> 
> Have a lovely morning/day/evening/night~ <3


End file.
